A Collection of Canine Quips and Quotable Comments

from the Famous and Anonymous

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."  -- Unknown
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." -- Gene Hill
"In dog years, I'm dead." -- Unknown
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."  -- Dave Barry
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."  -- Groucho Marx
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."  -- Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."  -- Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives."  -- Sue Murphy
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork,  half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"-- Anne Tyler
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."  -- Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."  -- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."  -- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."  --  Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."  -- Edward Abbey
"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."  -- Unknown
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."  --Andrew A. Rooney
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." -- Mark Twain
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."  -- John Steinbeck

"If there's one thing I have learned in life, it's this: Dogs and Pork rinds are not a good combination. -- Ted Cashion

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of His tongue.
  - Anonymous

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.  -Will Rogers

 A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  -Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.  -Rita Rudner

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events.
The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.  -Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P.. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.  -James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.  -Unknown

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
  -Robert A. Heinlein

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.  --Dave Miliman

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' -Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.-Unknown"

"My furs are not in storage, nor lying on the bed, they're dancing 'round my feet, waiting to be fed". Fabio Paiva